21st Century Renaissance
  • home
  • about
    • letters >
      • 2021 to 2022
      • 2019 to 2020
      • 2018
      • 2010 to 2017
    • Newsletter
    • Poetry
    • articles >
      • Cruise ships in Dun Laoghaire harbour a Titanic mistake
      • An Irishwoman's Diary
      • On Dun Laoghaire (and walking the pier)
      • Typos
      • The Institute of Psychics?
      • The Physics PR Minefield
      • When Design Matters
  • PUBLICATIONS
    • Proposition
    • Yours etc
    • Crabbing
    • The Visual Time Traveller
    • Collectors editions
  • blog 2014-2020
  • shop
  • Blog

Triangulating relationships

1/11/2022

 
Picture
In the last two years I have struggled with relationship distress in my circle of family and friends. I am not alone. We are living in a more-authoritarian-than-libertarian pandemic world.  Much is altered, whether from having contracted Covid19 and coping with a new-to-the-world nasty disease, or the fragility we experience in our relationships due to the fear and rigidity around it. This is frightening us at both the macro (government/media messaging)  and the micro level (personal relationships).

I recently went on a self-help dive into the online ether regarding relationships. One of the things I learnt was that relationships will often triangulate into the dysfunctional roles of victim, rescuer and persecutor. It was first described by Stephen Karpman in 1968, illustrating a power game that emerges between the three participants in the triangle. It results in a two-up/one-down dynamic between the players: the "up" roles are rescuer and persecutor. The "down" role is victim. The roles, over time will usually become interchangeable, but eventually, in a downward spiral, everyone begins to feel like a victim — not a good feeling. This is described as a Transactional Analysis of Games. 

Furthermore, it has been observed that each of us tends to have a ‘default’ or a ‘go-to’ role in these triangles. Triangular interactions can cope with a lot more conflict than linear (1-1) relationships and so, it is explained, this is why they so often occur.

The good news is that the negative roles of victim, rescuer and persecutor can be changed to the more positive ones of creator, coach and challenger in a more balanced 1-1-1 dynamic. No one is always “up” (feeling superior) and no one is always “down” (feeling inferior). A more level playing field and a much healthier way to be relating to the people in your life.  

I love this elegant, easy-to-digest illustration (on YouTube) of The Drama Triangle and how you can bring change for the better to your own relationships. Check it out, but remember, you can only ever change yourself and the role you choose to play ;~)

Comments are closed.

    Author

    Alison Hackett — Director and founder of 21st Century Renaissance; author of The Visual Time Traveller 500 Years of History, Art and Science in 100 Unique Designs

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    January 2022
    June 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Reviews

The Visual Time Traveller
This is a labour of love, insanity, beauty and, perhaps, an attempt to reintegrate history, art and science together again.
  Simon Cocking Irish Tech News

Crabbing
Her range of language is both staccato and soft, in succinct verse, which encourages you to read this aloud, truly the best way to engage in the emotional depth of a poem. 
​
Deirdre Conroy Sunday Independent

Poetic Licence in a Time of Corona

​Your poems tell us all we need to know Ryan Tubridy, RTE Radio podcast
SHOP ONLINE

CONTACT

NOT RETAIL
21st Century Renaissance
The Glasshouse
Harbour Court, George's Place
Dun Laoghaire, A96 R8CT
Co. Dublin, Ireland

E alison.hackett@21cr.ie
​
VAT number 3761911TH

​© Twenty-First Century Renaissance Ltd 2022   Associate member of Publishing Ireland; Member of Independent Publisher's Guild    All rights reserved  

  • home
  • about
    • letters >
      • 2021 to 2022
      • 2019 to 2020
      • 2018
      • 2010 to 2017
    • Newsletter
    • Poetry
    • articles >
      • Cruise ships in Dun Laoghaire harbour a Titanic mistake
      • An Irishwoman's Diary
      • On Dun Laoghaire (and walking the pier)
      • Typos
      • The Institute of Psychics?
      • The Physics PR Minefield
      • When Design Matters
  • PUBLICATIONS
    • Proposition
    • Yours etc
    • Crabbing
    • The Visual Time Traveller
    • Collectors editions
  • blog 2014-2020
  • shop
  • Blog